Online dating makes me depressed
each one I go on that doesn't go well for whatever reason feels like a little knife is cutting away at my heart. I read everywhere my looks are starting to fade and guys my age are looking for younger girls. Guys are viewing a single girl my age as "damaged goods", or assuming something is wrong with me. I know these fears are insane and though it may be the opinions of a few, it is not the opinion of the many. I have so much to offer a potential partner, so much love to give. And these thoughts sitting at the back of my mind... :)I am one of plenty of guys who prefer to date women your age.
I have always had a healthy dose of self esteem but recently it's really taking a hit. that my best years are behind me, make it that much more difficult. I actually have the opposite problem--as a 26 year old, 29-30 year old women are mostly looking to date men older than they are.
But it wasn’t until I began to experience it for myself that I truly understood what everyone was complaining about. Nobody asks you out on a date; they just ask you to – so after you do, you can spend the next three days that you’re supposed to be ignoring them wondering exactly what it meant. And let me tell you something; I don’t want to be that girl. I’m tired of the manipulative games that men and women play with one another in an effort to maintain control in a relationship that we’re not allowed to define.
So here’s my idea: let’s all stop being little fucks. If you’re not interested in someone, please just fucking tell them. It’s time we grow up and stop leaving people hanging with unanswered texts and cryptic social media posts.
You're hilarious, I had a great time, and I want to see you again next week.
Or maybe the modern dating scene is just horrendously fucked up. I have a simple solution for those of you who struggle with these haunting questions: ask the other person. Instead you get a passive aggressive response to a text message or a suspiciously relevant subtweet, quietly calling you out in 140 characters or less. It’s all a big game and if you don’t play by the rules then you lose, and if you lose you end up alone and drowning in a pile of your own insecurity, wondering what you did wrong. If you texted first last time, you have to wait for him to text you first this time. You can’t assume anything is more than casual, even if you’re having sex. If you’re wondering where a relationship is going and you decide to bring it up, every word you say has to be carefully chosen so as to seem okay with any response you’re given, even if you’re not. It’s weird to call someone in the modern world just to have a conversation or try to make plans, so we’re forced to wait anxiously for a response that might not ever come. But in the dating culture to which we are enslaved, it has to be more convoluted than that. If I’m always free when he asks me to hangout, I’m clingy and have no life of my own.
It’s probably all three, but in the interest of, well, maintaining your interest, let’s just talk about that third observation. If you like someone, you don’t tell them how you feel; rather you act interested enough for them to pick up on it, but not enough to freak them out. Everything is calculated to appear thoughtless, and it is one of the most exhausting games I’ve ever had to play. If he takes three hours to respond to my text, and my phone is in my hand when I get his reply, I have to wait to answer so I don’t seem too eager.
I am not very active on the site, he knew that beforehand. I've barely posted on this site, nothing new he didn't already know from my OKC profile. I don't give a flying fuck that this happened, I've been faded on by strangers before. I wish I could find someone on here near me so we could go for a drink. I'm a reasonably good looking guy, slightly shy, but I haven't had a real relationship yet. While I'm not in the exact same boat as you, I'm almost 95% sure that it's just a self-esteem issue. I think it was /u/detectivenineteen who said something totally life changing for me a few months ago in a thread, something like, "It only takes one." And as corny and cliche as it sounds, that one will make you realize why it didn't work with anyone else, and it'll seem impossible that so many girls passed on such an amazing person, and that you got to him before anyone else. I learned to cope by just realizing that it's natural to feel that, and that a bunch of little failures are nothing compared to the good times I've had and the things I've learned about myself in relationships. You can have good first and second dates but don't underestimate how high of a bar basic geographical proximity and convenience can be. If you are confident and talented you'll be way more attractive to yourself and others. You need to look at this through an objective lens.
All the pics on said social networking site are on my OKC profile, so nothing was surprising. We're mid conversation making casual chit chat via text and he deletes me from social networking site out of the blue. I've had the same Ok Cupid experience you have - and you're right, each rejection feels like they're cutting away another small piece of myself. I think I'm an alright guy, but part of me doesn't think I'm "good" enough to be with someone. If it ends up being someone you see 2-3 times a week, that can add up to a lot of mileage. When I moved from suburbs to urban both convenience and number of good dates went through the roof. I struggled a lot with failure on Okc dates, to the point that I deleted my account.